Donna Troy Cleary

36. Honestly!

Donna Troy ClearyComment

"People ask me why it's so hard to trust people. The real question is why is it so hard for people to tell the truth." Unknown

Recently someone encouraged me to embellish a little regarding some of my herbal remedies.  I told them that the center of my practice was trust. If I just make stuff up  a) I lose credibility and  b) it will be written all over my face. I'm the worst liar and I'm actually proud of that. It's something I've never aspired to be better at and it's not a quality I admire in others.

So why do people lie? Sometimes it gives them an upper hand but I've found, it is always temporary. And by the way, I always know when someone is lying. Ask my kids...  In a way I feel sorry for them because they literally never got away with anything. Sorry guys.  :)  

I haven't always trusted my BS meter but it has always been extremely perceptive. Something in my body reacts. It's a physical thing. I feel tense, my heart flutters a bit and all my senses turn on. Suddenly I'm paying attention to the lowered eyes, the fidgeting, the yawn, the subject change and bingo! - I've caught them.

As women, in this culture in particular, we're trained to be nice, to give people a second chance, to not prejudge, to give the benefit of the doubt. That doesn't always serve us. We have powerful instincts, designed to keep us safe. We might not have to avoid predators in the woods anymore but the lies of others are often damaging to us. Our bodies are giant geiger counters, finely tuned to pick up other's intentions. Take some time to hone that.

I suppose if someone is in an oppressive situation and their very life depends on a lie, that's one thing but what about serial liars? What about seemingly successful people who can't utter a sentence without spewing a falsehood? We have a shining example of that in our current government. How were they made? Why were they never called out? Is it safe to assume that they were never taught, at a young age, to own their mistakes and own the consequences? What makes them think they can get away with it? And how do they manage the guilt?

In the end it's really not about them. It's about how you manage the effects of the lies on you. I know I tend to linger in outrage for a while, probably longer than I should. But lately, I'm finding that if I let that outrage sit for a day or so before responding, I can transmute it. This keeps me from striking out and saying something mean or defensive that actually hurts me in the end. If I sit on it, I can see it more clearly, the motivation behind it and respond accordingly. 

Rest assured that the truth will always out, as they say. Be patient. Maybe you didn't get the job you wanted, the recognition you deserve, your moment to shine, maybe somehow your name has been tarnished. Assume that others are picking up the blips as well. Maybe they have been burned by this person too. Some might be persuaded initially. Trust that their BS meters are sending them signals. Those who are practiced at manipulating the truth will have their moment in the sun... perhaps at your expense... but eventually they will turn their lies on someone else and all will become clear.

Then you can quietly gloat, revelling in the inevitable justice of sweet, sweet karma. Your time will come.

Indulge me for a moment... Let me try that again.

Then you can sit quietly, knowing that all is well and your time will come.